In their book, The Gap and The Gain, Benjamin Hardy and Dan Sullivan share two contrasting ways that we can view our progress in life: we can measure ourselves in relation to our goals (the “gap”) or we can measure ourselves in relation to how far we've come (the “gain”). When we measure the gap, we always feel like we've fallen short. It is a moving horizon and we never arrive. When we celebrate the gain, the enthusiasm it generates becomes the fuel for even more wins.

When I was younger I didn’t place much value on curiosity because I thought that I understood how things worked. The world made sense. I had it in a box. I knew that what I believed was true because I experienced it… I saw it with my own eyes. If I encountered something that contradicted my understanding of the world, I weighed the evidence and made adjustments as necessary.

When Aristotle described the virtue of generosity, he got it wrong. In fact, the history of the word “generosity” has a bit of a dubious background. It comes from the word “generōsus” which, up to the 16th century, was used to describe the sense of being of noble birth or lineage. In the 17th century it included a nobility of spirit and such characteristics as gallantry, courage, strength, richness, gentleness, and fairness.

When my kids were in elementary school, I taught a 6-week class on “The Eye” for the gifted 4th, 5th, and 6th grade students. We had a fantastic time. Each class was a unique experience. In the first class, an artist friend from Microsoft showed us how different cultures draw eyes. (Did you know that on side profiles the Egyptians drew both eyes on the same side of the head?) We learned how to draw the eye and their artwork looked so wonderfully realistic.

I don’t know about you, but I’ve really struggled over the past few weeks with “those people.” I don’t mean that I’m struggling with people; I’m actually struggling with the internal narrative that wants to talk about “those people.” It really doesn’t even matter who they are. If I am watching CNN, I end up talking to myself about “those far right people”. If I switch to FOX, I end up talking to myself about “those liberal people”.

Today, watching the riots in our Nation’s Capitol, I realized that I need to get past my fear of talking about Unstoppable Love. Part of me hesitates to talk about it because I know that people feel uncomfortable talking about love. But, much like a physician who withholds a cure from a critical patient, it would be malpractice for me to keep my mouth shut at a time like this.

In medical school we had lectures about the dangers of stress. In retrospect, it seems a bit ironic. Medical school is, by definition, stressful. We learned about the impact on blood pressure, heart disease, mood disorders, the gastrointestinal system. The problem was, we ended up being conditioned to feel stressed about the stress. It was like compounding interest. The more stressed we became, the more we became stressed about being stressed.

It is amazing how one word can have such a tremendous impact on how the world appears to us. Years from now, we will look back on 2020 as one of the most challenging years of all. So many things happened to us at the same time: COVID, racial conflict, and a ridiculously divisive political battle that pitted us against each other. It’s no wonder we find ourselves exhausted and feeling beat up.

I’m sitting here on election evening pondering the outcome of the 2020 election as the votes come in. Like many others, I’m very concerned about the nasty divisiveness that we are experiencing. At 63 years old, I’ve seen plenty of elections but this one has created some treacherous chasms between people. At the time that I’m writing this, the outcome of the election isn’t clear, but the path forward is. More than ever before, we need PROXIMITY.

More than ever before, I’m repeatedly asking myself: “What does unstoppable love look like right here, right now?” It’s not a passive question murmured from a place of defeat. It is a transformational question asked while believing that we are all interconnected and that we all have the power to make a difference. All of us. Any of us.

The very best physicians and nurses that I’ve worked with understand the importance of the words they share with those whom they serve. Years ago, however, I worked with a physician who just didn’t get it. He even refused to go to the waiting room to meet with the families after doing surgery on their loved one. He couldn’t be bothered. He would just call them on the phone rather than going to see them.

When my conversation is positive, it activates the prefrontal cortex (located just behind your forehead) where you do your executive functioning. It’s like putting a wide-angle lens on your brain. You can see new options. You are more likely to hear new viewpoints. And your ability to generate great ideas improves significantly. Your impact on the world around you becomes more positive and more significant. In this article, we’ll look at how that can spread to the surrounding culture.

Actually, our inner voice never stops. We all have a continuous internal dialogue — a running commentator — that never runs out of things to say. Try as we may, ignoring the commentator won’t make it stop. In fact, there isn’t just one voice; there are many. In a previous blog post I mentioned Adam McHugh’s book, The Listening Life and his suggestion that we actually have an entire classroom of seventh graders in our heads

Some of the most valuable lessons that I’ve learned have been from those who not only survive disasters but somehow manage to thrive in the face of them. I’m humbled and inspired by those who refuse to give up; by those who commit to making a difference when it matters most; by those who will pay the cost to be agents of unstoppable love.

As an adjective, “kind” is defined as being loving and affectionate. As a noun, “kind” refers to a group with common traits. If you consider them together, you get close to the Zulu concept of Ubuntu (ùɓúntʼù): “I am because we are.” I bring to the friendship openness, compassion, and love because I realize that we are part of each other. I don’t see you as “other” or one of “those people”. I see us as interconnected but different. I value your perspective because it allows me to see the world more clearly. Proximity matters.

In this special episode, we talk with speaker, author, coach, international disaster physician, and retired street mime Dan Diamond, MD. Dr. Diamond was the Medical Director for Medical Teams International’s First Response Team to Haiti and played a strategic role as Director of the Mass Casualty Triage Unit at the New Orleans Convention Center after Hurricane Katrina. His passion is equipping people to perform under pressure, and his stories and lessons from being in the heart of a disaster zone are highly relevant to the crisis our healthcare system faces today.

My Australian friend, Jason Fox, is a deep thinker… a wizard of sorts. A few years ago he posted a video about picking your word for the year. Little did I know the profound impact that video would have on my life. Because Jason wanted to move out of his default introvert ways, his word in 2015 was “Pirate”. When facing challenges, Jason could ask, “What would a Pirate do?” He ended up writing a book that year called “How to Lead a Quest.” Watching the impact of his word, I thought I’d give it a try.

Well known for his work with corporations around the country, Dr. Dan Diamond equips leaders to make a difference when times are tough. Far from just motivational fluff, his rock-solid experience and trench-tested insights have been forged from the “front lines” of disasters around the globe. He was the Director of the Medical Triage Unit at the New Orleans Convention Center following Hurricane Katrina, led one of the first teams into Haiti after their devastating earthquake, and deployed to the Philippines following Typhoon Yolanda. Dr. Diamond is a Clinical Assistant Professor at the Elson S. Floyd College of Medicine at Washington State University.

For years, I’ve responded to international disasters around the globe. I know what its like to try to do important work in high-pressure environments with high-stakes consequences. Some of us know how to see opportunities when others are standing around with their hands over their mouths in shock. In today’s post I thought I’d give you a behind-the-scenes view into how I think under pressure. 

There is an old folk tale that a preacher bet his buddy that he could get his horse to walk up the stairs in his house. He had a secret strategy that guaranteed he would win: He used blinders. Blinders are small squares of firm leather that attach to the bridle at the side of the horse’s head to prevent the horse from seeing anything other than straight ahead.