How Do We Heal Our Communities and Our Nation? Let’s Start With a Different Perspective

The Power of Proximity

I’m sitting here on election evening pondering the outcome of the 2020 election as the votes come in. Like many others, I’m very concerned about the nasty divisiveness that we are experiencing. At 63 years old, I’ve seen plenty of elections but this one has created some treacherous chasms between people. At the time that I’m writing this, the outcome of the election isn’t clear, but the path forward is. More than ever before, we need PROXIMITY.

Bryan Stevenson brought the word PROXIMITY alive for me. Author of Just Mercy (which they made into a movie recently), he started the Equal Justice Initiative and helps wrongfully convicted prisoners get off death row. He also works with children who have been tried in the courts as adults. The work that he is doing is stunning! (Did you know that, according to the National Academy of Science, 4.1% of people on death row are later found to be innocent! And yes, the 0.1% matters — especially if it is you!) A couple of years ago our church hosted a community meeting on race. Bryan Stevenson’s presentation had a profound impact on me. Just like a kid with their first pair of glasses. I could see all sorts of things that I couldn’t see before I heard him speak.

There was a time when I would have described myself as not being judgmental. I was younger then, and much less in touch with my heart. I found that I was using the word “those” way too often:

• “Those kids.”

• “Those elderly.”

• “Those Republicans.”

• “Those Democrats.”

• “Those nurses.”

• “Those doctors.”

• “Those ____.” (Fill in YOUR blank.)

Here’s the problem: The moment I categorize someone as one of “those”, I see them as different than me. I assume that I know how the world occurs to them. I think I know how they think and what keeps them up at night. In fact, I can build (fabricate) an entire story about them. It might have nothing to do with reality.

And then I heard Bryan Stevenson’s talk.

So now I spend more time with people different than me. Some of them are radically different from me. One of the very best conversations I’ve ever had in my life was with a transgender man and a woman who described herself as a kinky queer and a dominatrix. There was a time when I would have avoided “those” people. I look back now with regret. I missed out on some rich conversations and some rich friendships.

Becoming proximate means coming alongside someone. Shoulder to shoulder. I need to bring three things: openness, kindness, and curiosity. Proximity is not about “fixing” other people. It’s about showing up with a desire to understand and connect.

It’s like seeing in 3D. If you want to see in 3D, you need to have two eyes. In order to have depth perception, you need two eyes. God didn’t put your eyes on your shoulders. He put them right next to each other in the middle of your face. Proximate to each other.

It is amazing how enlightening it is to sit with someone who is different. I’ve had to let go of some things I was certain of. The payoff has been worth it. I see more clearly. I see with more depth. I see more options. I have new friends.

How are we going to come back together after this election? By becoming proximate.

Hello, I was wondering if I could sit with you for a while and ask you some questions? I’d like to understand more about you and how you see things. I’m eager to learn from you.”

Here is one of Bryan Stevenson’s videos on Proximity. It is a 35 minute investment that could change the rest of your life.)