Do You Want More Hope?
“No one can take away our ability to choose how we respond to any given situation.”
I would have suffered a lot less if I knew about this idea years ago. This isn’t a pie-in-the-sky or some ivory tower idea. In fact, this is one of those simple concepts that’s tough to implement because it takes practice.
It is amazing how one word can have such a tremendous impact on how the world appears to us. Years from now, we will look back on 2020 as one of the most challenging years of all. So many things happened to us at the same time: COVID, racial conflict, and a ridiculously divisive political battle that pitted us against each other. It’s no wonder we find ourselves exhausted and feeling beat up.
The Tiny Tweak That Will Change Your Mind (Literally)
To Me?
Do these challenges (and all the others) happen “to” me or “for” me? If the challenges happen “to” me then it’s easy to choose the Victim Mindset believing we are powerless and need to fight for self-survival. It’s the natural response. Our brains are wired to do this when we feel threatened. Part of the brain called the amygdala takes over and its highest priority is to keep us alive. The amygdala is most famous for the “fight or flight” response that it generates. The amygdala can save your life if there is a pterodactyl that is about to snatch you up into the sky. But there are some significant drawbacks when the amygdala hijacks the rest of our thought processes. The amygdala is quick but not very bright. When it kicks in, we can experience tunnel vision, tunnel hearing, and tunnel thinking.
For Me?
When I replace “to” with “for”, everything shifts. “This is happening ‘for’ me” awakens the rest of my brain. When I approach challenges through the “happening for me” lens, I ask different questions like:
What are the key lessons I can learn during this?
How can I remain open and curious so I get the most value from this painful experience?
What matters most during this time?
How can I best serve others during this challenge?
What do I need to let go of to allow something new to grow in its place?
What does my best response to this look like?
What advice would my future self give to me if he was here right now?
The challenge is still real. My response transforms by replacing one word. Remember, this isn’t easy work! It takes practice. Our brain defaults to “Warning! Warning! Warning!” when it feels threatened. At first, your brain might pitch a fit if you say “this is happening ‘for’ me”. It might scream back at you things like: “You don’t deserve this!” “Diamond doesn’t know what he’s talking about!” “Your problems are too big to say they are happening ‘for’ me!” Well, perhaps your brain is more civilized and kind. But these are the things that my brain shouts at me.
Like Holocaust surviver Viktor Frankl said I always have a choice of how I’m going to respond to adversity. When I tell myself things are happening “to” me, it shuts my brain down and closes my heart. I’m more likely to become angry, defensive, bitter, and disconnected. When I tell myself things are happening “for” me, I’m more likely to learn, to grow, to connect with others, and to discover healthy ways to move forward.
It’s difficult, but it is definitely work worth practicing.
What are your thoughts? How might this idea help you? Please leave your comments below.