Three Conversations that Will Change Your Life -- Part 3: The Words With Those We Serve Create Trust
Part 3: The Words with Those You Serve Create Trust
“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”
The very best physicians and nurses that I’ve worked with understand the importance of the words they share with those whom they serve. Years ago, however, I worked with a physician who just didn’t get it. He even refused to go to the waiting room to meet with the families after doing surgery on their loved one. He couldn’t be bothered. He would just call them on the phone rather than going to see them.
He didn’t last long.
In contrast, one of the best stories about the power of words involved a pediatric cardiac surgeon. Typically, if you have an infant who needs cardiac surgery, you wait with your child in your room until the pre-op team comes to pick up your baby to get ready for surgery. It is scary. One surgeon understood this and did things differently. She went to the infant’s room to get the patient herself. After sitting with the family, she would have the mother hand her baby to her and, as she held the baby against her chest, she would say, “For now, she is my baby and I will love her as if she were my very own. I will watch over her until she goes home with you in a few days.” Just reading about the experience feels different. Trust flows from a conversation like that.
Words.
Zig Ziglar said it well, “You never know when a moment and a few sincere words can have an impact on a life.”
The words we have with those we serve create the trust that they place in us.
An interesting question to ponder is “Who’s responsible for that conversation?” When I was in my fourth year of medical school my wife and I got married and 5 days later left to work in a refugee camp in northeastern Thailand with Hmong refugees. It was my first encounter with a different culture and my first experience communicating through an interpreter. It took quite a while before I figured out that the Hmong people saw things differently. They would typically go to the shaman before they came to see us. The shaman had an effective system in place: if patients didn’t do what he told them to do, he would fine them a chicken or something else of value. (I would have had a lot of chickens by now!) Their understanding of how medicine worked differed significantly from what my understanding was. Before long, I figured out that we got much further if I asked more questions. “What do you think the problem is?” was a great place to start. “Help me understand.” was a great way to build a bridge. “What is important for me to know?” shows respect. The non-verbal action of sitting on a chair that was lower than theirs spoke volumes to them. These were important lessons so many years ago, and yet I still have to remind myself that I need to remain curious in my conversations with people even here in the United States. We are all different. The responsibility is mine to show up with openness, kindness, and curiosity so I can learn to speak with words that build trust.
“When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen.”
Conclusion
“Remember that everyone you meet is afraid of something, loves something, and has lost something.”
Abraham Joshua Heschel was correct: “Words create worlds.”
Words create the world inside me. That world inside me determines the impact that I will have and the conversations I will have with those around me.
The words within our team will define our culture.
The words that determine your impact and define your culture will finally be expressed in the words you share with those whom you serve. Those words create the level of trust that people will have in you.
In me, to we, to them — words matter.