Unstoppable Love (Pt 4): Generosity
“Generosity is the most natural outward expression of an inner attitude of compassion and loving-kindness.”
“If you can’t feed a hundred people, then just feed one.”
When Aristotle described the virtue of generosity, he got it wrong. In fact, the history of the word “generosity” has a bit of a dubious background. It comes from the word “generōsus” which, up to the 16th century, was used to describe the sense of being of noble birth or lineage. In the 17th century it included a nobility of spirit and such characteristics as gallantry, courage, strength, richness, gentleness, and fairness. But there was a superior air to the idea. Aristotle said that the focus was not on the recipient; the focus was on developing the virtue of generosity. There was an aroma of arrogance. I wonder if they stuck their pinky-finger out as they said, “Did you see what I did for those peasants?”
I’ve seen this all too often in the world of international disasters. Well-meaning people think they know what’s best for “those poor people”. Without taking the time to understand what people really need, they send supplies that are not only useless, but problematic. Often, those supplies fill up the depots and hamper the relief effort. The people who send the supplies feel better, but it does nothing for the people who receive them.
There is a different type of generosity that puts the other person first... a generosity that doesn’t require the noticing. It involves becoming proximate — coming alongside people — with a willingness to ask better questions and listen with a heart to understand, not a mouth to reply. It also involves empathy — a willingness to feel the feelings of another. That can be a tough one because it’s normal to avoid pain. It happens by choice, not by chance.
There is a head-scratching paradox with generosity. We often receive back more than we give. This paradox is at the root of what Aristotle got wrong. He had it backwards. What we receive back is the byproduct of generosity, not the motivation. Malvina Reynolds wrote a song that has stuck with me since I was a kid. Part of the song goes like this:
“Love is something if you give it away,
Give it away, give it away.
Love is something if you give it away,
You end up having more.It’s just like a magic penny,
Hold it tight and you won’t have any.
Lend it, spend it, and you’ll have so many
They’ll roll all over the floor.”
This “other-centric generosity” infuses life into other people. I’ve seen it in every disaster that I’ve responded to, and it brings hope and joy to people during their suffering. A few years ago, I delivered a TEDx talk about a man that I met in New Orleans during the Katrina disaster. He lost nearly everything and yet to my surprise, he continued to give the little that he had left. Augie blessed everyone. He changed my life. You can watch the story here.
Even in the most devastating circumstances, other-centric generosity flows through one person to another to another, leaving a wake of hope and joy. It is unstoppable. If you didn’t care who got the credit, what is the smallest step you could take to be generous today?